A Mother's List of Rights

Raise your right hand and repeat after me. I (state your name) have the right to:

• Not mop the floor more than once a week
• Call paper plate night when I can't face another dish in the sink
• Not feel guilty for taking the time for general maintenance, eg: cutting my hair, showering, blow drying my hair, taking 10 minutes longer to shave my legs, eat, go to the bathroom with the door closed, and not entertaining a child or dog who both think I need help...
• To eat a real meal mid-day, not scraps or cottage cheese spooned on top of a leftover fruit cup over the kitchen sink.
• To eat cake as many times as I can in one week.
• To not feel guilty about taking 2 hours a week to exercise and putting my kids in the YMCA childcare room to do so.
• To be relieved of making at least 1 meal per week (eating out doesn't count, I want to see someone else make it AND clean up after it).
• To acknowledge that my kids might not be the best soccer player, as long as I don't say it out loud.
• To deny said kids snacks or drinks if they don't say "Please".
• To read my favorite magazine subscription someplace other than the bathroom and not feel lazy.
• To make grown up food once a week for dinner without having to prepare a side of chicken nuggets.
• To look in my purse and actually find a piece of gum, a quarter, chapstick...that my kids haven't stolen when I wasn't looking.
• To make a deal with my husband that if Brad Pitt ever propositioned me I get a free pass (concede that the same deal goes for him and Angelina).
• To buy a pair of shoes in a real Mall (and not TJ Maxx) and feel no guilt!
• To put on makeup without having to answer the question "Where are you going? Why are you putting on makeup?"
• To take weekend shaving breaks like dear Hubby.
• To make up shopping trips so I can put Munchkin #3 in the supermarket child care for 1/2 hour per week while I wander around talking or texting to my friends.
• To text my friends dumb things I can't call for because I have 3 kids screaming in the back seat.
• For my kids to know that I actually went to college and have a brain that goes beyond folding sheets and wiping butts.
• Embrace the belly pooch because it came by way of birthing 3 kids (or 2 or 4 or 5...)
• To not have to endure finding a new gray hair and a new zit on the same morning (seriously!)
• To love McDonald's Apple Pie even though it's far down on the food chain.
• To continue to love watching MTV as much as I did when I was 16 and it was brand new.
• To never tell anyone I remember when MTV was brand new.
• To tell my kids I'm 29 years old (again!).
• Feel free to add your own thoughts below. Thank you!