On my way home from kickboxing to take a shower before my birthday party, I look in my rear view mirror and see this:
Let me go on the record as saying I reek and really need a shower, also I start looking for my camera to take pics for my blog. Sick, I know.
I looked up from digging for my wallet and saw this:
(Well, kind of like that if Ponch was now balding with a bit of a gut, and drove an SUV rather than a motorcycle, and had no partner with feathered blond hair, but you get the picture)
Ponch: You passed me on that road back there and I clocked you at 50 mph on this road.
Juniper: Really? Because I saw you behind me the whole time and know I kept it between 38 and 42 mph.
Ponch: The speed limit is 35 mph.
Juniper: I know that, I was just saying I wasn't going 50 mph, but if your thingie says I was going 50 mph then I won't argue with you about it since you have to have it calibrated properly (remembering how much is pisses me off when my kids argue with me and throwing in a big "calibrated" to make up for the use of the word "thingie" earlier)
Ponch: I need to see your other papers, license and registration.
Juniper: I know, I'm trying to find it but I'm not sure where my husband keeps it (totally leading him to believe I'm driving my husband's car and he's a doofus that lost his papers)
At this point, I begin totally rambling about car inspections and emissions tests, the county I live in...I'm not sure why.
Ponch: Is that one it? No, that's 2007. Is that one it? No that's 2008. Check that blue one. No, that's not it. You know what you need to do? Throw away all these old registrations!
Juniper: I think I'm just flustered.
Ponch: Who is the car registered under?
Juniper: My husband (furthering the lie)
Ponch: Okay, I'll just check it out for you. (returns to car in his uniform with jingly things hanging off him, kind of Ponch-ish)
Juniper: (still looking for the cards and thinking I should remember to look for a gun next time he comes back, you know, just to see.)
While I'm pondering this I notice movement beside me and jump as I look up and see this;
Ponch: (handing me my license) I'm not going to give you a ticket, but slow down. Oh, and happy birthday.
Juniper: (reaching out to shake his hand) Thank you and I'm really sorry...oh, and I'm just telling people I'm only 29, you're cool with that, right?
I did get a laugh out of him and a head shake, and really that's all I was going for. You know, thanks for letting the crazy, stinky lady off. She's so damn old anyway, what else does she have going for her?