11.23.2015

Happy Birthday, Jake!


Dear Jake,

You know when you look back on your life and realize that there was a certain event that was a turning point for you, your purpose, your life? An event that made everything fall into place and gave your life meaning?

That moment for me was when I had you. My perspective changed from selfish to serving. I could see my own heart living and breathing outside my own body. It was thrilling, it was terrifying, it filled me with love and it hurt at the same time.  I knew with each birth that the special moments we shared being one body would never be the same. They would change day to day and I would never be able to hold on to those special moments that ran through my fingers like water. So fast, you've grown so damn fast.  I never thought 17 years could pass in a blink of an eye, but here I am, the mother of a 17 year old boy. A man, you tell me. 

Yesterday afternoon you listed all the things you can now do without me or my permission: buy spray paint (the son of a crafter for sure!),  go to a rated R movie, get married, work full time... The list went on and on.  I laughed with you, but it hurt my heart too, because I know that in order to do this job right you have to leave me.  You has to go out into the world and buy spray paint for yourself! 

I think about how fast the last 17 years has passed and I'm not ready. I'm not ready for you to buy spray paint yet! I have such a short time left with you before you goes off to college and every day that passes is one more day down.  If 17 years went by in a blink, what am I supposed to do with a year and a half left?? Will my heart swell as you set off on your own or will it break?

This little baby I held in my arms (you) gave my life purpose. I was put on this earth to create and raise you 3 beautiful boys and it all started with you, my first one. You let me know I could do it and were patient with me as I learned.  I love with all my heart. 

Happy birthday, Jaker Baker, I am so proud God chose me to be your mom and you to be my son. You make me proud every day and I cannot wait to see what life has in store for your next 17 years.

Love,

Mama



2 comments :

  1. Jennifer such beautiful words, thoughts. Happy Birthday Jake.
    My youngest has turned 18 now still at home but I know one day he might go out into the world without me. I will be happy and sad at the same time.
    Rosezeeta

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Rosezeeta! It really does make me sad yet at the same time I'm so curious to see what life has in store for him!

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