3.26.2010

Taking Sides - Feedback Friday


I was having a dispute civilized discussion with The Big Guy the other day with a girlfriend present. My girlfriend backed my hubs though I felt sure my opposing position was right. I felt a little twinge and then wondered why? Is she not entitled to her honest opinion, why would that upset me?

So, my question is, is there an unspoken rule about girlfriends always having your back or do you expect them to speak an impartial truth when asked to weigh in on a dispute discussion with your spouse? Okay, what if it's family?

Feedback Friday here, let's weigh in on Taking Sides!

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20 comments :

  1. Hhmmm...
    Well, while part of me wishes that my friends would always choose my side, I don't expect them to. In fact, I'm pretty much known among my friends as the one who gives you my opinion whether I agree with you or not. My husband does too. Except I'm tactful. ;)

    Happy Friday, Jen.

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  2. I don't think she should have said anything. Friends/Family shouldn't come between husband and wife no matter what the discussion/dispute is about. I would have felt hurt too. But that's just my opinion...

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  3. Oooooo.hard one. I think it may depend on the seriousness of the subject. Your right..she certainly has the right to her opinion, but she does not have to voice it in front of The Big Guy. She could abstain and take you aside to let you know how she feels. (no reason to give him an excuse to gloat) Don't put her on the spot by asking her in front of him. Our egos are so very fragile ;-)

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  4. hmmm, intellectually I would be glad that my friend loves me enough to tell me the truth and that she is secure enough in my friendship to do it. emotionally, I'd want her to take MY side...
    jekyll and hyde?
    tracyg

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  5. If your friends can't be honest with you, who can be? Although, if it was a touchy subject she should have bitten her tounge... or at least said- you don't want my thoughts because I agree with your hubby.

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  6. I guess if you didn't want her opinion then you wouldn't have discussed it in front of her. Just because she is your friend doesn't mean she has to agree with you. I mean she should be able to have her own opinion unless she is a robot!

    I never hold back and I tell it like it is. I have 1 friend that I seem to always side with her husband. She just doesn't think sometimes and what she says is like huh! Once she hears my take on it she says "oh I guess you're right!"

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  7. That's a toughy! I guess it depends on the subject--if it was about your kids, ehhh...stay out of it---if it was something family neutral, hop in. If it was something private, table the convo until she left (there've been plenty of times when I've said "I'll talk to you later about this DeaReST."...through gritted teeth of course!)

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  8. I can see your point and fully understand the situation however whenever I am put in such a position, I tend to give a slight smile and state, "I can get this at home" I try to stay out but will call at a later time to offer a venting session if necessary!

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  9. In the situation that you're describing, the kind of person that I'd stick to is the person who will express understanding for both sides and stay neutral themselves, reserving their opinion for private conversation if asked (where, if they have to disagree, it's less embarrassing or hurtful for the person with whom they're disagreeing). Or even better, the person who will gently change the subject to something else.

    Tough to be that person, though. I love expressing my own opinions! ;-)

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  10. I would agree that it depends on the subject. However, if it is a subject I would have no problem discussing infront of others, I would hope my girl friend would give me an honest opinion. That being said, she better say I have a valid point, she just leans towards agreeing more with the other ~ HA!

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  11. I'd tell my girlfriend to butt out :-P I am all for being honest and sharing my opinion, but there's a time and place for it. Getting in the middle, or on one side, of a married couple's discussion is not cool. She can tell you, "you overreacted" or "he acted like a controlling jerk" later.

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  12. You know, I always give my honest opinion and I expect that from my friends/spouse/family/etc. I have to say, though, that my husband HATES that about me. He sometimes wishes I would just take his side instead of honestly giving my opinion, which just doesn't make any sense to me. ??

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  13. I have both kinds of friends but the ones I have had the longest and hold the dearest are the most honest ;)

    Even when it means agreeing with my husband.

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  14. I feel like I would like to know how she really feels, but at a later time. Sometimes you get so stuck in your own point of view that it's good to hear that maybe *gasp* you COULD be wrong and to think it over a little better. I'm pretty bull headed, especially when it comes to my husband, so to hear the same thing from someone else can help me to snap out of it. But definitely not in front of my husband to give him any type of "I told you so" glory.

    That being said, I think if my friend sided with my husband in front of him I'd be irritated. Luckily my friends are good about this kind of thing. That and I try not to argue with hubby in front of them.

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  15. If it was a big deal, I'd hope the friend would just keep quiet. If it's something small and/or silly, I wouldn't mind if she disagreed, but I would HOPE she'd have my back!

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  16. She should have not weighed in at all with your "big guy" present. I would have been more than a little miffed.

    Same goes for family.

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  17. My BFF should always take my side, even if she knows I'm wrong. However, she can dish out the wisdom on the side.

    It's kind of like I told my boys: your brother my deserve to get beat up, but you don't let the other guy touch him. You can bring him home and give him what he deserves, but you do not let someone else do it in front of you.


    The same with friends!

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  18. I am a very opionated person and expect others to respect and value my opinion when they've asked me for it. They are also fully aware that I typically voice what I THINK regardless of what they may want or hope to hear. Although it might keep them from asking for it at times, I think overall, this is one of the sole reasons I am all-to-often asked for my opinion. That being said, life isn't black and white majority of the time and no matter what happens I'm always going to be there for my friends and family. I might not agree but I'll be there helping clean up the mess or whatever it may be...

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  19. Hmm. I do expect honesty, but I also expect tact. I think both are possible.

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  20. Nope. No rule. Of course I love the vindication when someone agrees with me over my hubby, and I do get that twinge when they don't, but when I really think about it I am glad that they give their honest opinion... even when it is different than my own!

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