Party Talk - Feedback Friday

You know how people tend to have a few drinks and start confessing? At a street mixer (to welcome all my new neighbors) I planned for last Friday, the conversation within my small group turned to Mother's Day for some reason. One of the mothers was describing one Mother's Day when her children came to her asking what she would like for her special day - she could choose anything. She then looked at our small group and announced, "So, I just told them - what I want for Mother's Day is to not be a mom!" A collective gasp passed through the group.

She went on to explain that she wanted a day without kids and she didn't understand why children need to be involved in Mother's Day plans. "Why can't I just spend one day doing what I want with who I want?" (**Background: This is a full-time working mother with an 18, 16, and 10 year old. I don't know her circumstances when she made this statement to her children).

Now the group actually groaned (and exchanged glances) as if to indicate that this conversation wasn't being well received. No reaction from the Mom who was speaking. I moved on to mingle with some other guests, but my mind kept returning to that statement - even now I'm trying to discuss it, a week later!

I began to think that maybe my neighbors and I live in a bubble. Maybe this is normal, maybe we're the strange ones for being shocked at this statement.

So, I have to know...Am I missing something? What are your thoughts on this statement? Can you relate? It's Feedback Friday:

Do you want your children near you on Mother's Day?



  1. Of course I do!!!!! That woman wants a day just for herself...she already has one...it's called a BIRTHDAY!!!!

    What a horrible thing to say to your children...what if something had happened to her that day (heaven forbid) and those were the last words her children heard from her...Yikes! Talk about self centered.


  2. I don't think she's horrible. Last Mother's Day dh took the kids swimming and to McD's for a couple hours so I could have some time alone. It was great!

    I agree it wasn't a very nice thing to say to her kids, but I can totally understand wanting some peace and quiet.

  3. I don't get that at all and most of the moms I know feel the same! In fact, even when we are making anniversary plans, it turns out that we all do something as a family!! I do know some parents that, while I am hanging on to every last day of HS with my youngest, are rushing theirs off to college and then not to come back!
    Interesting topic!

  4. Ok- I may get crucified for this, but, one of my best mother's days went like this. I woke up to the kiddies and breakfast in bed. I spent the morning with my family, and then in the afternoon I got a pedicure and went shopping by myself. I came back recharged from my afternoon alone time to have a dinner made by my family for me. It was perfect! :)

  5. I do. My husband always suggests then that my day off would be Father's Day b/c the kids want to be with dad on that day and vice versa for Mother's Day. He gets a day off then.

  6. Ummm.....isn't that why it's called Mother's Day? Because you have kids? Of course I want my boys' around that day - they always make me feel even more special than any other day of the year.
    One year hubby gave me a handwritten note telling me that my gift was the day totally & completely to do what I wanted with or without anyone. I cried - I wanted my family around!!!

  7. I'm not a parent myself, but I heard a mother say something that has stuck with me. Her daughter had a tough time when she was excluded from adult plans, so she would say "Before there was you, there was us."
    I just thought it was a lovely statement and a lovely value to pass on to your daughter (to value the relationship with your husband).

    I guess my point is that Children don't need to be involved in everything a parent does. But maybe Mother's day isn't the day to try that one out. lol

  8. I think the mom's delivery was totally wrong and that sort of thing should never be said to your kids. However, I do like having a little break on Mother's Day. T usually does baths and bedtime so I can sit in quiet for 30 minutes. ;) I'd love to have a day to myself where I didn't have to worry about laundry or catching up on chores, but that never happens. I don't think it's wrong to need a little break from the kids...but how you go about it is a whole different story.

  9. Yeah, you really have to wonder if that mom is needing a huge break of sort. Her kids are at tricky ages (the 18 yr old in particular!) but wonderful, too, and maybe she has lost some perspective. I think she's missing the point about Mother's Day, tho. It's a day to embrace the choice you made and the benefit your life received from it. Just sayin', that's my take on it...I would have felt sad for her.

  10. It wouldn't be Mother's Day without kids, so of course I want my kids around. However, I do get an hour to myself that day to do some shopping, but that's only because my Love and kids plan a special surprise for me, plus an hour of peace and quiet is always welcome! I don't know her and I don't want to judge. Besides, it's to each their own who wants to celebrate Mother's Day how they want. Some Mom's prefer to spend it with their kids, some don't. Personally, I don't think that part should really matter. To me, the main concern would be what she said to her child. Now that's just rude!

  11. So, yes it was a bit harsh (but we don't know how she said it to her kids or if she just said it like that for the party). I go out with friends every year the Saturday before mother's day. Its great, its what I Really want...its healthy to recharge. Plus Mother's Day is always filled with running here and there, cooking cleaning and stressing over Our mothers.

    I love my boys. I am with them 24/7 and sometimes, this momma Needs a break! (Not necessarily ON mother's day)

    We all have our calgon moments (...calgon take me away...and never bring me back!!!). If she's that in despair, as women, we should lift her up not beat her down with more guilt.

  12. Sadly, I've seen a few ladies online mention this before... It's horrible to say it to another adult, but can you imagine the horror those children felt when she said it to them?
    Mother's Day is to celebrate being a "mother"... you wanting to get away for a day and be with your friends is not celebrating being a mother, but rather stating that you feel it's a curse. Sure, we all needs days away, but I'd never in a million years say that I wanted a day to not be a mom.
    What would your husband think if, on your anniversary, you said that you wanted to go out with your friends for a night and not be a "wife". It's ridiculous.

  13. I'm appalled. What kind of mother is this. I mean who am i to judge...but seriously..come on!

    BTW: My Mouth is still on the floor!

  14. I guess I am not shocked or appalled...say it to your kids, maybe not the best idea...but like others have mentioned, we don't know the circumstances, etc.

    I've only had 4 mother's days...and since it's on Sunday and our day consists of going to church and hanging out as a family...that's what we do. However, I ALWAYS find time the week before or after to go out on my own. And I'm not sure if Mother's day was on another day if I wouldn't take off on my own for some me time.

    I don't think there is anything wrong with spending the day with or without your family...or however else you want to spend it. Sure, it's because of your children that you can call yourself a mom...but it's your day...do what you want with it.

  15. On Mother's Day I get to pick a place we eat out together as a family, and I get a two hours to do my own thing. During these two hours, my husband usually helps my girls work on a special surprise - a simple craft, a coloring page or picking up the toy room. We do the same thing on Father's Day for my husband. Time with family and a few hours just to do what we want to do for one rare day . . . the perfect combo!

  16. i think it is fine to want a day off, but to tell your kids in such a harsh way is not cool.

    I've always thought mother's/father's day was more about the kids showing their appreciation and love for their parents.

    So take a day for yourself when you need it, but don't announce to your kids you want to be without them on a holiday.

  17. Ah, the "weight of motherhood". I've actually written about this from my perspective. Yes, there are some days that I just don't want to "be a mom". But what I mean is that I don't want the duties and responsibilities for just one day. To breathe, to have a little space, to recharge. I would never say that to my kids, and I don't think mother's day would be the day that I would pick, but I can understand the sentiment behind the statement.

  18. My mother has never wanted a "day off" from being a parent. I'm actually really horrified by people who talk this way. I'm not a mom, at least not yet, but there is no way in hell I would ever speak that way about my child just like my mother has never and would never say something like that. We actually had a conversation about people who say things like that and she just doesn't get it. She said she's never wanted to be away from me or my brother. I think there's something seriously messed up with the way our society has come to view parenting. Like a chore rather than what it should be, love. I'm sure those who actually want to be away from their children will have a problem with this but I don't care, that's my opinion.

  19. This seems like an easy one but maybe not. I think Mother's day & Father's day are "family" days. It's a nice way to remember all the mom's in your life & all the stuff they do to be the best they know how to be. So...it's probably not the best day to want to be away from your kids when they want to celebrate you. But...let's all remember that motherhood is a tough job & yes we all signed up for it but even when you go to a workplace every day you still get to have days off...let's not be too critical. Hey...I need days off & it's nice to get recharged & remember how much I love my boys & how truly blessed I am to have them around every day. :)

  20. Yeah!!!! Hand up to the occasional freedom of us moms! I was in a similar situation when my daughter passed a little book around on new years eve - everyone was supposed to write what his/her perfect day would look like, and I wrote that my perfect day would be just me, my bathtub, my computer and my writing, some books and some chocolate, and no kids. Well, I got some bad glances from the grandmas and aunts involved as well.

    But I´m all for honesty, and I hope my children will treasure this more than if I gave them some sweet, but false replies.

  21. She wouldn't be having a Mother's Day without kids.

    Birthdays are my special day...

  22. I am going to be in the minority on this, I know.
    I do agree that her delivery was quite harsh.
    Yes, while honoring the mother is the whole idea behind mother's day, it should be about honoring the mother how she wants to be honored.
    For some moms, that could mean getting some time off. Perhaps they do not get occasional time off in order to recharge and this gives them an "excuse" to demand some time off.
    While I would not want to spend the whole day without my family, I do sometimes ask on mother's day to have some time to myself to do what *I* want for a change.
    In fact, when I do get that time off, I find myself recharged and in a much better position to be a better mom.

  23. She said she didn't want to be a mom, not that she didn't want kids (yes, I know the 2 go hand-in-hand) but I totally get it. to me (and yes, I am a mom) mom means dishes, cleaning, homework, breaking up fights, cooking, etc...
    Who wouldn't want a day off from all of that, some days I am SOOOO jealous of my husband, he wakes up , works from home for a few hours, eats lunch that I have fixed and serve to him in his office, showers, goes into the office, works, eats a supper that I have packed for him, comes home sits on the couch watches tv and goes to bed.
    But, I digress, she didn't tell her kids she hated them and wished they had never been born, what she said was that she wanted a day off to breathe.

    I can totally relate.

    And bless her for being brave enough to admit it.

  24. I am thankful for my family's approach to Mother's Day...I get to celebrate with the ones I love, including my daughter, with none of the added stress of cooking, cleaning up, or planning anything. I am given the joy of having the company of the ones I love without any of the typical 'mom' responsibility.

    I also think Mother's Day is a time for children to celebrate and honor their mothers by showering them with thoughtful gestures and quality time.

    Maybe this woman's husband isn't the best at giving her a 'break' during the week, or even on Mother's Day, in which case she does deserve a bit of slack for her comments.

  25. What an interesting post to find on my first visit here!
    As I was reading I wondered what the circumstances are for this mother. Does she work full time? Did she have a bad day at work? Is she simply tired after a long week of 'life'. Did she just have a fight with her husband or one of her children prior to the party? Is one of her children acting out in a way that is causing her lots of fear and worry?
    Did she go home and think, 'I shouldn't have said what I did the way I did'? Lord knows, in my low moments, I have said things I regretted later.
    I'm a mom of two wonderful kids. I love them with everything I have. But sometimes (more than I like to admit) I need a break.
    In my case I have an illness that plays a large part in how I am able to cope with my world. I'm not using it as an excuse, but I have to acknowledge and accept it in order to function and cope in the best way possible for my family.
    I think, if we are honest with ourselves, we can all admit that parenting is one of the hardest jobs around. It's also the best job, but that doesn't mean we don't need a break from it once in awhile. The fact that she said she wanted a break on Mothers Day, to me, speaks to her desperate need for a break. Period.
    We don't know her situation. We don't konw what all transpired prior to her coming to the party. I think what she maybe needs is an understanding hug and a few words of encouragment.
    To your friend I say, 'I understand your need for a break. Find the time, even just an hour a week, to spend on you. Because you deserve it! Your family deserves it too - a rested, happy mom is always better than a tired, grouchy one! Remember, YOU are the best mom for YOUR children.
    And Happy Mother's Day!
    (sorry for the long comment)

  26. I definitely want my kids around on Mother's Day! That's the whole reason I celebrate!

  27. Janet, those are my sentiments exactly! It's mother'sday, you only get to be one because you have children. Your BIRTHDAY is the day all about you. Those poor children with their selfpossesed mother. (how's that for a baseless opinion)

  28. Good for her! No one should ever apologize for needing to honor and take care of themselves from time to time. I admire an honest mother much more than I do one who puts everyone else first and suppresses or lies about her true feelings.

  29. My best friend's dad told them on Father's Day (quite a few years ago) that he didn't want to be a dad anymore...and promptly left them all.

    So....yeah, I have to wonder what that woman is really thinking about.


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