This is going to be a soapbox post about something that has been bothering me...So sorry...Um, no I'm not...
I don't know if this is happening in high schools across the U.S., but here in Pittsburgh any big-ish school event such as Homecoming, Prom, etc... has gotten completely out of hand when it comes to the "proposals".
The boys (boys' moms??) are coming up with more and more involved ways of asking girls to attend these dances - here are some examples just from my own circle of friends:
Painting proposals on billboards
Carving 15+ jack-o-lanterns to spell out Will you go to H.C. with me?
Fire spelling out the proposal
Giant displays during Friday night football games
Spelling out proposals in flowers in school parking lots
Lining sidewalks with numerous gift bags to give clues to the question
and on, and on, and on....
There are pinterest pages, tumblers, twitters, facebooks, all dedicated to collecting the MOST imaginative ways to propose a date for a dance. For this generation, nothing actually happens unless it's documented on social media. Most of these displays seem to be contrived for Instagram. I mean, is EVERY guy so smitten with EVERY girl or is it an excuse to brag online?
Now that my own son has reached dating age, I see this as a negative in so many ways! It puts an enormous amount of pressure on the boys to come up with this elaborate display to impress the girls. Like a bird displaying it's plumage to impress it's mate. Imagine the humiliation if she says no?
It's also creating a society of entitled "princesses" who expect this huge display from all potential suitors - dance, monkey! Or the flip side, it can a girl who feels obligated to go to a dance with a boy after such a big display was made.
What the heck is left when it's time to propose marriage? Imagine a couple who have been involved in more and more elaborate proposals since junior high facing a marriage proposal that seems not to measure up?? What are we doing to our kids?
I've talked about it to several friends who think us moms need to step in to put an end to these elaborate proposals to lift the weight from our kids and let them see that a dance is just a dance. Sometimes a date is just a date.
Am I crazy here? Is this phenomenon as out of hand in your school as it is in ours? Can you give me a reason why this would be a positive thing for our kids? Help me to understand so I can embrace it or if not help me come up with solutions to stop it.
I agree with you 100% on this! I haven't had to deal with this yet with my son but I have heard of this going on and I think its ridiculous. I have the same thoughts and concerns as you. Why does everything have to be so over the top? First of all, it's high school!! Why are the parents encouraging and adding to the pressure to their own kids to "top" each other. I think it's sad that a lot of moms are taking this over to be their project also. Get a life and stop living through your kids. What kind of message are you sending them that they will always have to put on a huge display or show to get a girl to like you? Maybe if more of us keep raising concerns about this the media might work to our advantage? We need to spread the word that this is dumb and needs to stop!
ReplyDeleteI have to blame social media - would they go to such lengths if they couldn't brag about it online??
ReplyDeleteI wrote something about this a few years ago. http://www.holy-craft.com/2012/05/what-is-it-with-prom-these-days.html
ReplyDeleteI totally feel the same way two years later. My thoughts haven't changed especially since my son is now of dating age. I think it's over the top and sets up things that should be momentous for failure (actual proposals).
I am going over to read your post - so glad I'm not alone! I was waiting to get slammed for this post!
DeleteMy son is only 4 so I am far off from this being a problem for me but I can't stand the idea. I believe we should raise our son's to be loving and great to girls but this is going to far. I think these boys and moms are doing it for one of two reason. 1 is because everyone else is and they feel they won't get a date if they don't and 2 is to show off. Both of these are bad reasons to do something and they make me sad! I hope things change.
ReplyDeleteI agree, it's not great for a girl's self esteem either - there is such a thing as being OVER inflated when it comes to self esteem!
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