The Birds and the Bees...Round 3

Living with a 10 year old boy is...well, much like living with a 42 year old man - just less hairy. They all erupt with stink and sounds at various times of the day, they are obsessed with pooping and broadcast it whenever it happens, they snack constantly, and are naked much of the time.

For some reason, though I'm the lone woman in this equation, I've been chosen to discuss the "birds and the bees" with the boys (actually, I needed to explain a few things to the Big Guy, too).

A friend with 12 year old triplets scared me into broaching the subject with my then 9 year old son back in September. She told horror stories about information passed around the bus and told me I better get in there and do damage control early. Sooooo, I did.

I sat on the edge of his bed one night and asked if he had any questions about anything he wanted to ask me. He answered with a resounding "YES"!!! Okay, I'm not going to lie, my first thought was "oh, s**t, here we go" but I plowed on and soon learned he really wanted to know how many days 'til Christmas and if Santa was me and Dad. (whew...bullet dodged)

Okay, anything else you are wondering, maybe something about your body, or girls? Again he says "YES!!!" (I'm cringing inwardly) "When am I going to get hair on my armpits and balls?" Alrighty, then! This is going to be easier than I thought! I gave him an approximate time frame and he seemed satisfied and rolled over to go to sleep.

Fast forward to November when he comes running down the stairs screaming "I've got a hair on my balls! I've got a hair on my balls! Everyone come see!!!" This is the nice thing about having all one sex, because he dropped trou' right there in the living room and displayed the fine hair he had discovered. He cultivated that lone hair for months, so proud. His brothers would gather around to look, he even broadcast it on the 37 inch TV in the family room with the "Eyeclops" he got for Christmas...ah, memories...

Well, I thought it was time for "the talk" again. I asked, do you have any more questions you've thought of about your body or sex in the last few months? "What's sex?" he answered (good boy, letting Mommy of the hook like this). A smile and kiss goodnight and the topic was closed again.

Finally, about 2 months later we had the "bubes" incident and a screaming announcement of "SIX hairs on my balls" which lead me to try once more. I decided to go old school with it and dived right into "birds and bees" when they asked if they were eating baby chickens for breakfast. I explained about mommy chickens and daddy chickens and fertilization, blah, blah, blah... and how it is the same for humans; a mom and dad need to contribute to make a baby (without all the gory details). I could tell by the expressions that I had laid some groundwork and questions were brewing. Oh, give me strength, because this time all three boys were present and I'm afraid I'm going to get ambushed one night. God only knows what they will come up with together.

Considering it was my youngest who explained to his older brothers how babies got out, (when they tried to argue that babies came out of your bellybutton he announced "They come out of your bum, just like poop" Wouldn't that be lovely painted on a frame?), I think he's the one I need to worry about. That was just last year. I know, I'm embarrassed I let it go on as long as it did.

I think I have some time, though. The Big Guy walked into the room afterwards and said "I never did understand why they called it the birds and the bees" Yes, the man made three kids...I've got my work cut out for me.


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