The Birds and the Bees - Feedback Friday

My friend Craig from the Constant Complainer shared a story about a "Sex Test" that was administered to students at Hardy Middle School (part of the D.C. public school system) this week that had parents in an uproar. I googled the controversy and found this news report from NBC Washington and another story HERE on MSNBC.

Okay, here is the scoop...

Students as young as 12 years old were about to begin a Health Class Sex Education Program by Metro TeenAIDS organization. To determine their baseline knowledge, the students were given a survey of questions to answer. Including some of the following questions:

What is your sex? (options were Male, Female, and Trans gender)

How sure are you that you...

Can name all four body fluids that can transmit HIV.

Know the difference between oral, vaginal, and anal sex

Would recognize the signs or symptoms of an STD.

Can correctly put a condom on yourself or your partner.

Can clearly say “no” if you do not want to have sex.

Can convince a reluctant partner to use barrier protection (i.e. condoms, dental dams) during sex.
For the complete survey CLICK HERE.


Parents were sent an "opt out" form for the program, but it was accidentally sent home the same day as the survey was administered.

Some further information about the students of D.C. Public Schools according to the Washington Post...

"Nearly seven percent of all D.C. teens were diagnosed with chlamydia in 2008. Further, D.C. teens account for half of all chlamydia and gonorrhea cases in D.C. And more than three percent of District residents older than 12 are living with HIV or AIDS."

Adam Tenner from Metro TeenAIDS defends his position:

The Birds and the Bees...Again.

Okay. I did it and I promised you I'd guide you along the bumpy road of my journey to my boys' sex education. Really, that doesn't sound right when all they really want to know is when they will grow hair on their...chest/armpits/balls.

I spent a lot of time in the bookstore, and maybe I learned a few things myself (some of those books were so GRAPHIC I was blushing.)

Let's get started...My son is 11. So, for an 11 year old DON'T buy the book Sex, Puberty, and All That Stuff - just trust me on this one. There is a little box in each section that lists all the slang words for everything (you know, like this "Other words for penis are: dick, prick, cock, wang, pecker..." Even the big guy said, "Geez! I want him to be educated, not an expert!")

It goes into waaay detail about sexually transmitted disease, unwanted pregnancy, birth control...lots of things my son will be ready for in a few years, but not now. My dad sat at the table looking through it in a state of slack jaw and giggling. (Please direct all hate mail to Jennifer Juniper)

DO buy the book Changing You, it's like 7 bucks on Amazon right now.



It's nice and thin, yet detailed enough for a boy my son's age. It goes over the nitty gritty in cartoon illustrations that demonstrate HOW you get pregnant (the actual mechanics are a curiosity to my son) in a non-threatening, yet accurate way. I cannot express enough how much I love this book. Thank you to Girl in the Sticks for recommending it.

And before all the commenters chime in again with "why don't you just sit down and TALK, like I do?" I will just put it out there - I could not bring myself to utter the sentence "...and the man puts his penis into the woman's vagina" to my son. And frankly, I don't think he could bring himself to hear it. (Please direct all hate mail to Jennifer Juniper)

While I was there, I experienced a blast from the past when I noticed the book Where Did I Come From?



It was first published in 1977 and I know I read it as a child. Don't ask me where I got it, but I clearly remember this photo (sans the white boxes, with all the sick stuff on the internet they censor THIS?):



This book is an even more basic book with a funny, chubby, cartoon "mom and dad" he uses to illustrate the difference between men and women. I ended up buying this one for my 7 and 8 year old boys, who ask many more questions than my 11 year old ever did!

So, how did I approach the gifting of the books? I walked in the door with my bags and gave the kids whatever it was that I picked up for them. I was all like "Here are the juice boxes I bought for your lunch and, oh yeah, I got you guys some books." They pounced! We just sat down and began leafing through them together, like no big deal. I just didn't want them to feel like this was top secret info, just an ordinary book.

#1 son took one look, turned red, and high tailed it out of there. My younger two boys were interested...VERY interested. The 8 year old cruised that book for about an hour non-stop. Non. Stop. He sat beside his brother saying "Hey, look, look!" about 56 times.

The 7 year old sat on dad's lap and pointed and said things like "boobies!" and "Ew, love!". The book sits proudly on their dresser and they pick it up every now and then. I wish I would have gotten this book for my oldest at their age.

My 11 year old wouldn't touch his book with a 10 foot pole. He couldn't bring himself to read it in front of us, or even take it from the table in front of us.

So...after a few days, I placed it in his bed with a flashlight so he could read it in privacy (my kids almost never go into their rooms unless they are going to bed). I wanted him to be able to read it without embarrassment and get the answers he was so curious about. (This plan of action has been controversial even among my friends, so please direct all hate mail to Jennifer Juniper.)

So, there you have it. The birds and the bees...again.

I'm really not looking forward to the point in time when the other book is necessary! Give me strength!

.

The Birds and the Bees, Round 4- Feedback Friday

Okay, all kidding aside, you know my past experience with discussing this tricky subject with my boys. It's not happening as I planned or hoped...actually, I hoped they were just born with certain knowledge...

I've decided to consult the experts and choose a book for my almost 11 year old to read on his own, then come together for some uncomfortable silence, crying, lively discussion. I think this is the least stressful healthiest option (for both of us).

In searching for the right book, I've found the following problems:

1. too little information
2. too much information

I know that giving him something too young and vague will not satisfy his curiosity and escalate Google searches, but some books cover topics I'm not sure have entered his mind yet (masturbation, birth control, alternatives to intercourse...). Don't shy away, girls! Your day is coming! Oh, and I just misspelled "masturbation" so I need all the help I can get!

For those of you who have an opinion on this subject, let me ask you this...

If a book has more information than I was expecting to cover at this time, is that necessarily a negative thing? Should I be trying to prepare and educate him about things as he is questioning them (would I even know?) or be proactive and try to cover future questions now?

Ultimately, a book with chapters velcro'd together to allow me to pick and choose is what I'd wish for at this time, but until a smart mom comes up with this alternative - I'd love to hear the titles of books you found helped discuss this touchy subject with your kids, too.

Help!

A Pretty Girl Named Urethra

So, you all know my struggle with the birds and the bees with my boys. You know the ball obsession, the twisted questions I have to answer. It's not easy being me.

I was discussing my dilemma with my neighbor (mother to 2 girls and 1 boy) and she told me about the latest discussion in her household with her 7 year old daughter. It went like this:

Darling Daughter: Mom, where does the pee come from?

Mom: It comes from your bladder which is in your belly.

D. D.: But how does it get out?

Mom: It comes out through a tube.

D.D.: What's the tube called?

Mom: It's called the urethra.

D.D.: Ooh, urethra! That's sooooo pretty! (singing and dancing away) Urethra....Urethra...la, la, la...

End of conversation. Nice.



Now let me share the latest conversation in my house.

#1 son: Mom! Look how long this hair is on my balls!

Mom: (throwing a cursory glance) Yup, that's nice, honey.

#1 son: It's so long that sometimes I play it like a banjo!
da da dum, dum dum, dum dum, dum dum (yes, that is the song from Deliverance you're hearing)

My best shot at revenge will be for my friend to have to introduce her new grand-daughter "Urethra" to her friends and family someday.

.

The Birds and the Bees...Round 3

Living with a 10 year old boy is...well, much like living with a 42 year old man - just less hairy. They all erupt with stink and sounds at various times of the day, they are obsessed with pooping and broadcast it whenever it happens, they snack constantly, and are naked much of the time.

For some reason, though I'm the lone woman in this equation, I've been chosen to discuss the "birds and the bees" with the boys (actually, I needed to explain a few things to the Big Guy, too).

A friend with 12 year old triplets scared me into broaching the subject with my then 9 year old son back in September. She told horror stories about information passed around the bus and told me I better get in there and do damage control early. Sooooo, I did.

I sat on the edge of his bed one night and asked if he had any questions about anything he wanted to ask me. He answered with a resounding "YES"!!! Okay, I'm not going to lie, my first thought was "oh, s**t, here we go" but I plowed on and soon learned he really wanted to know how many days 'til Christmas and if Santa was me and Dad. (whew...bullet dodged)

Okay, anything else you are wondering, maybe something about your body, or girls? Again he says "YES!!!" (I'm cringing inwardly) "When am I going to get hair on my armpits and balls?" Alrighty, then! This is going to be easier than I thought! I gave him an approximate time frame and he seemed satisfied and rolled over to go to sleep.

Fast forward to November when he comes running down the stairs screaming "I've got a hair on my balls! I've got a hair on my balls! Everyone come see!!!" This is the nice thing about having all one sex, because he dropped trou' right there in the living room and displayed the fine hair he had discovered. He cultivated that lone hair for months, so proud. His brothers would gather around to look, he even broadcast it on the 37 inch TV in the family room with the "Eyeclops" he got for Christmas...ah, memories...

Well, I thought it was time for "the talk" again. I asked, do you have any more questions you've thought of about your body or sex in the last few months? "What's sex?" he answered (good boy, letting Mommy of the hook like this). A smile and kiss goodnight and the topic was closed again.

Finally, about 2 months later we had the "bubes" incident and a screaming announcement of "SIX hairs on my balls" which lead me to try once more. I decided to go old school with it and dived right into "birds and bees" when they asked if they were eating baby chickens for breakfast. I explained about mommy chickens and daddy chickens and fertilization, blah, blah, blah... and how it is the same for humans; a mom and dad need to contribute to make a baby (without all the gory details). I could tell by the expressions that I had laid some groundwork and questions were brewing. Oh, give me strength, because this time all three boys were present and I'm afraid I'm going to get ambushed one night. God only knows what they will come up with together.

Considering it was my youngest who explained to his older brothers how babies got out, (when they tried to argue that babies came out of your bellybutton he announced "They come out of your bum, just like poop" Wouldn't that be lovely painted on a frame?), I think he's the one I need to worry about. That was just last year. I know, I'm embarrassed I let it go on as long as it did.

I think I have some time, though. The Big Guy walked into the room afterwards and said "I never did understand why they called it the birds and the bees" Yes, the man made three kids...I've got my work cut out for me.


.