I have a friend. A really fit friend who looks great. She was told by someone that she has "thunder thighs" during an argument and has never worn shorts since. She's young (in her 20's), she's fit, she's thin, and she's self-conscious of her legs.
When I was in high school, a boy in art class made a joke about my "man hands". I have been self-conscious about them ever since. I wear lots of bracelets to draw the eye to my wrist, I never wear nail polish, I never wear rings other than my wedding ring.
When I was about 14 I was told my butt was getting "jiggly" and that is the day I began exercising and it continues to this day. My main goal? Decrease the jiggly in my butt.
It's so silly, but I believe we all take such comments to heart and it helps form our body image, sticking with us. In most cases, the person who made the comment won't even remember saying or even thinking such things. It's just something we harbor within us.
I had such positive response to Take a Compliment where you all shared what you love about you. Let's take it a step further this week and share our story about what fueled our insecurities.
Let's put it out there and let it be banished from our heads. Let it become a silly story from our past that can no longer hurt us. It's Feedback Friday:
What comment or situation caused an irrational body insecurity or affected your body image?
At 14 a boy I liked told me that my ears stuck out when I wore my hair up. Needless to say, it was years before I wore my hair up again. Stupid! Now I have short hair and my ears do stick out a bit, and frankly, I don't care! It makes me, me. :)
ReplyDeleteWell my insecurities about my body are not irrational, they're pretty realistic.
ReplyDeleteHowever...
My grandmother (on Dad's side) constantly reminded me, growing up, how big my butt was, and that I got that from my mother, not from her. She also gave me a complex about my Italian nose. My cousin, one of her other grand daughters, actually had a nose job because she had such a complex about it, caused by same grandma. Cousin always reassured me though, told me not to do what she did, not to take it to heart.
The irony is.... I got that nose from that same grandmother's side of the family. I think it was her way of saying she's upset that we ended up getting that part of her, and not her small butt.... perhaps...
Years ago I went to the movies with a girlfriend. The lady who tore our admission stub looked at me and said "You are the most beautiful pregnant woman I have ever see" . It would have been a lovely comment if it were not for the fact that I had given birth to my son four weeks earlier! I have been very aware of my belly ever since....until now that is. Thanks Jennifer...I am putting this in my 'Forget It' box ;-)
ReplyDeleteJanet
xox
When I was in 7th grade and I had to stand on the stage for some reason. I remember people later commented on how skinny I was and from that day on I had a terrible complex about being too skinny.
ReplyDeleteOh girlfriend! In 4th grade a Jenny told me my nose was big. At 19 a fellow server told me I could "f*&^%$# joust with that thing!" My mother only added to all of that insecurity, and as a preteen I was so scrawny, wore braces for 5 yrs, and was so pale I was dubbed Casper. But ya know what? I married a man that tells me always, I mean ALL the time, annoyingly so at times, how dang beautiful I am, how sexy I am and how much he loves me. He reminds me its my heart that drew him in, and those buns,he-he, and my heart that keeps him comign back. For the Lord looks at the heart, while man looks at the outward appearance. 2 Samuel something, lol Ladies- embrace your jousting sticks and man hands. you are lovely!
ReplyDeleteI definitely have body image issues, but I'm not sure they've ever come from a particular comment. At least that I can remember. I believe mine come more from society's views and what is shouted at us every day from the media, "you must be thin to be beautiful." Well I'm not thin, and while I may also not be beautiful, I don't think it has anything to do with the number on the scale.
ReplyDeleteBe gone big butts, ears, hands, noses, tummies! You are not too thin, you are not too fat! I'm tossing these insecurities to the wind!
ReplyDeleteHmmmm... other than my daughter asking why I have a striped tummy?
ReplyDeleteMost of it comes from myself. However there was one time in 6th grade when I had a zit- 1 zit. I never had more than one or two at at a time, but this kid felt the need to point it out. And stare.
To this day I am paranoid when I get one and assume everyone is staring at it and grossed out. (And now I use ProActiv so that I don't have to have that during that monthly blessing)
I had a boy always make fun of my smile, telling me that I smiled to big. It is hard for me to take pictures of me because it is the first thing I criticize and notice. I always constantly wonder if everyone is looking at it, but there is no way to hide it. I am getting better but I still worry about it. (now that I have said that I worry everyone will now look at it and judge, yep I think I have a ways to go on getting over it :). )
ReplyDeleteWhere to start...In 4th grade a boy pointed out I have a mustache. The ban of being a thick-haired brunette. Thankfully I waited until later in life to start waxing.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago my mother-in-law pointed out that "you look much better when you wear long dresses" and that basically it's because I have big knees and cankles (two things I can't change no matter how much I exercise) and now I never wear shorts or short dresses without leggings when I'm near her.
I've got a naturally big butt, but for some reason it doesn't bother me when people tease me about it. I just comment that people pay good money to have butt implants and that JLo seems to be doing just fine with her big rear.
This is a very interesting post. And you're right; I think there are times when people make rude or insensitive comments and think nothing of it - not realizing how devestating it can be to the recipient of said comments.
ReplyDeleteI know a woman who suffered from anorexia and one of the main reasons she later cited was because her grandmother always told her that she looked fat.
But even as a guy, I can remember one very distinct situation that greatly upset me. As a little kid, I basically grew into my neck. LOL. It's true. It was long, but that's because I just ended up being fairly tall. But my neck's growth was ahead of the rest of my body. So I suffered through being called "goose neck" for quite some time in elementary school. Anyway, in our third grade talent show, there were four of us who were co-MC's. And one of them wrote a line where he would call me "goose neck" in front of the entire school and parents. I laughed it off at the time, but was both angry and embarassed. The teacher thought the link was hilarious and I should have said something. And I've never forgotten that night.
Sorry, I meant to say "the teacher thought the line was hilarious..." Not the "link."
ReplyDeleteOy, where do I begin??? My sister once noted that one of my eyelids droops, and I have forever been self-conscious about it. :s
ReplyDeleteMy mom started my life-long obsession with my weight when I was in the 3rd grade. The nurse at the doctor's office was weighing me (I STILL remember the number she said), and my mom gasped like *I* had done something wrong. The thing is, I was a little chubby, but not FAT or obese in any way. But that one comment was all it took to work its way into my head. In high school and most of college, I spent hours working out, starving myself, and obsessing over my body. My mom probably has no idea she gave me a complex, but she was a horrible example for my sister and I...always complaining about her own body, never eating regular meals, etc. etc.
I make a big deal to not talk about that stuff around my girls. I want them to be happy and healthy.
My daughter and I were just talking about this! I have had a big rear since puberty and I don't have a problem with it, but recently my daughter said that she was told black guys kept hitting on her because she had a 'black' butt. It wasn't meant to be a dig, just their observation! It means we are both more self conscious in our bathing suits. Oh well, at least she knows it's just genetic and you can't diet that away!
ReplyDeleteMy high school boyfriend called me Ichabod Crane and I have been self conscious of my nose ever since. I will not have it fixed surgically because I feel like it would be ridiculous to waste good money on unnecessary surgery, but that still haunts my memory.
ReplyDeleteMy awesome husband of 13 years love me and my nose and has never said anything bad about it. He makes me feel gorgeous every day!
I also wanted to say that I am always telling my children to celebrate their bodies and their features because God makes all of us unique. If He made all of us the same, life would be BORING!
ReplyDeleteIn college, a guy told me I had "saddlebags". I've never forgotten it, and am totally self-conscious about my ass and hips.
ReplyDeleteBoy I had a lot. I was called "flat butt", " skinny legs", "bones." But it wasn't much physical teasing it was the name teasing. You know Dorcas can be switched to Dork-a*s :( Kids are so harsh. Ever since that time I changed it to Nina. It stuck with me through high school and college. Finally after I met my husband he made me realize that my name wasn't as bad as I thought it was.*sigh*
ReplyDeleteI hated those years:(
I am definitely letting my beloved children know that God made us different but Special. That they are unique and beautiful:D
~blessings
Dorcas
If I told you all of my insecurities, we'd be here for days.. I was discussing this topic with my youth a couple of weeks ago. Whether it be your Mom that constantly said you were shy when you hid behind her leg as a child, or snot nosed kids making fun of how you look... it sticks with you. Even if it's only one person that says something, you allow it to become part of your identity.. you start to believe it.. This may be a little too preachy for some of you, but we need to realize who we are in Christ, and that we have a new identity in Him (If we're serving God) and stop believing the lies that have been burned into our minds.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was five, my mom had professional photos taken of my sister and me and I remember the man behind the camera saying how cute I was..."except for that crooked smile"! I was a tomboy and funny kid who could crack up my family and later majored in drama, but 50+ years later, I still freeze up when a camera comes at me and usually end up looking like the deer in the headlight. I don't stress over it, but it's funny how some things just never leave our radar.
ReplyDeleteWell, how should I put this. Okay, I 'developed' a little bit earlier than my classmates when I was in my 4th and 5th grade (if you know what I mean). Girls and boys all made fun of my chest whenever they got the chance. They called me offensive names. I was so embarassed by my chest that I wanted to wear really tight tank top under my uniforms, hoping that tight tank top would make my chest look flat. Of course, my mom insisted I wear bras. So, I started to wear oversize t-shirt to cover up.
ReplyDeleteI didn't like my figure at all because of my 'big chest' until senior high school. I went to a girls' senior high school. And when I changed clothes with my classmates, I noticed that my so-called 'big chest' is actually very normal size. And I realized that many celebrities even want to size up by surgery. So, I started to embrace my figure. Now, although I still have the scars in my memory, I am pretty happy with how I look now.
During a very dark period of time in my marriage, I overheard my husband say that I had "swelled up like a dead possum" (referring to the fact I had gained weight. Sigh. Harsher than what he told me to my face, but he has always made comments about my weight up until the last few years.
ReplyDeleteNice, eh?
Like some other commenters, I can't pinpoint one comment or situation. However, my mom's and her side of the family are extremely overweight. We're talking at least 50+ pounds. I would also like to add that none of them seem concerned by their weight and all are seemingly happy. Happy or not, I know as a kid I decided I would never wanted to be overweight. I wanted try to be always be fit and healthy so I would be able to play with my kids, go on bike rides, hikes and swim. Things I never did and still don't do with my mom. I don't down her or my aunts, uncles or cousins ~ I just want more (health wise) for myself.
ReplyDeleteAs a child my dad told me "you are too chunky for short hair".... I'll never forget it and my hair is long.
ReplyDeletemy mom left my dad, sister, brother and I when I was 14. For a while, being the oldest, I was the closest thing he had to an "adult" friend. He took to drinking more than he did before and would tell some pretty crude jokes.
ReplyDeleteI remember one in particular whose punchline insinuated that if a woman could hold a pencil under her breasts, then they were too saggy. Even today I worry about my saggy boobs being unattractive.
Oh, the body parts that I would trade in if I have the chance. :)
ReplyDeleteFunny, but I'd just written a post last night about body parts I love and the ones I don't like...
I have heard just about every single joke and comment in the book about a short person. I hate it. It makes me very self conscious about my height.
ReplyDeleteI also have issues about my weight from comments I got growing up from my father.
I'm reading a great book right now, called So Long Insecurities: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us by Beth Moore. I am hoping that it helps me to have a better self image of my own body.
growing up i had the boob dept. covered. in jr. high (way back when it was jr. high) a boy told me that i was a mama cow and that my boobs were as big as udders. he is probably paying for his wifes implants!
ReplyDeleteA guy in my class told me I had a mustache when I was about 15. I have obsessed over it every since. And even today I find my self titling my head back when people lean in incase they say a hair on my upperlip!! :(
ReplyDelete