I have a great Friday topic that was pushed back last week due to the ridiculous Terry Jones Debacle and yet again another topic pushes to the front of the line. Maybe someday we will get to talk about school supplies?
I wanted some extra feedback on this one and have a mission for you, so I'm posting Feedback Friday a little early this week.
Remember my Summer Party? Remember how excited I was? Remember all the planning? Remember it all went off without a hitch and turned out to be a great night for all my friends?
Well, it all came crashing down this week as I was shocked to discover the following anonymous email in my inbox:
-----Original Message-----
From: Dewey Beach [mailto:deweybeachboy@gmail.com]
Sent: Friday, September 10, 2010 10:35 PM
To: xxxxxxxxx(I erased my own email address)
Subject: Party
myself and my family find your actions regarding your guest list last week short sighted and damaging to the unity you presrcibe to endorse for the neighborhood...(the typos and no caps. lead me to believe it was sent from a phone)
Huh...
That was all I could think at first! (Notice I left the original sender's email address for any friends that want to help me weed out this weasel! In case you missed it, the email address is
deweybeachboy@gmail.com
I would like to invite any and all of you to go ahead and give him a piece of your mind after you take a moment to give me your feedback here today. And if you can help me figure out the owner of this account, all the better!)
I thought of all kinds of comebacks for this person, I wanted to tell him to go cry to his mama, I wanted to ask him what he's done for me lately, I wanted to invite him to form a support group with the other 38 out of 50 homes in my neighborhood who were also not invited to my personal party. I wanted to tell him I don't hang out with anonymous bullies who hide behind fake names to harass people for not inviting him to parties.
I wanted to ask him to really think about the following questions:
Are we friends or just friendly?
Do we hang out and go to dinner or do other fun things together?
Have you ever invited me to your house?
Have I ever even seen the inside of your house?
Have you ever invited every single person in the neighborhood to your home for a party?
Would I call you if I needed help?
Do we have a deeper relationship other than saying "hi" at the bus stop?
Are our children good friends who often play together?
This was the criteria I used to develop my guest list for my party. Wrong?
Two years ago I invited my friends as well as everyone on my street to a party and it was a disaster - too big! We spent the entire night feeding people, changing trash bags and toilet paper rolls, and stocking drinks. Never again. In fact, it was so overwhelming we didn't even HAVE the party last year. During our one year break, the group of neighbors who I invited the year before never reached out to me in a way that indicated they wanted to be more than "chat at the bus stop" neighbors. So, this year a new and improved guest list was devised. Much more manageable and affordable.
I decided to take the high road and take pity on this small, pitiful, sneaky, bullying person who went to such lengths almost a week after the party to set up a secret account and send me this email. I responded as follows:
I'm sorry, but I don't know who this is, could you identify yourself?
If you are referring to my Labor Day party, that is my own family party and not a neighborhood function. I supply the main meal, the alcohol, and the entertainment from my own pocket. Neighbors are all welcome to attend the neighborhood Christmas party, or plan a summer neighborhood party of your own.
If you would care to discuss it, I would love to speak with you.
Warmly,
Jen
It's Feedback Friday -
Do you feel compelled to invite every family in your neighborhood to your home whenever you have a party?
Would you ever confront a neighbor for having a party you were not invited to?
Would you ever confront a neighbor for having a party you were not invited to?
Also, remember to pass your thoughts along to
deweybeachboy@gmail.com
Honey, don't mess with us bloggers. Just sayin'.
.
I gasped when I read this!! Oh my goodness!
ReplyDeleteI'm much too much of a people pleaser to actually email your neighbor, but I did love your high road response to him.
And if I ever weren't invited to a party, I wouldn't take offense to it. If I thought they were my close friends, I'd just re-think the friendship. I think your invite criteria was perfect! I mean come on...you really can't invite the WHOLE neighborhood...you experienced that once, and it was a disaster!
Oh...some of the leeches that are out there...
Way to hold your head high!
I went through this last year, but I was on the "why wasn't I invited" end. In my neighborhood I became what I felt was VERY good friends with two particular ladies. Our children played together all the time, our families did lots of stuff together, etc. So one day I accidentally came upon the other two families having a get together in one's yard...I was very surprised and taken aback, and hurt. However, I let it go and pretended nothing had happened. A couple days later, these two women went on a day trip down to SLC without me. (I had previously been invited to go with Neighbor A, before Neighbor B had ever even moved into our corner of the neighborhood. They knew of each other before, but weren't really friends before Neighbor B moved over here and I introduced them. Anyway...) So when they went to SLC without me I was very hurt and called them on it. Needless to say, things didn't go well, and, sadly, we aren't really friends anymore. Some times it's still very awkward though. The difference in the situations though, was that I WAS friends (or so I thought) with the people and in your case it's some random guy hiding behind a bogus email. And you know it's a woman, because men generally don't let stuff like that bother them, whereas a woman will let it eat at her and eat at her. Good for you in your response. Show's much more class and adult like behavior than "deweybeachboy".
ReplyDeleteWOW that is really some nerve, good for you with your response back.
ReplyDeleteIs it horrible that in my neighborhood we don't plan functions like that because we know it would be crashed by neighbors not on the invite list?
I think you have every right to have your own criteria for the guest list, after all you are paying for it. And people should not get offended or send hurtful emails because they were not invited.
What a jerk! I am super anti-social, so I would say no I don't invite any neighbors to my parties, nor do I really talk to them. I am sure he/she was just jealous :).
ReplyDeleteOh, Hell to the No I do not invite people to my home parties that I am not on more than a "hello" basis with. Don't give this another minute's worth of your mental time.
ReplyDeleteThat this person chose to send you that email anonymously seems to indicate that they were really just looking for something to bitch about.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure why they think you owe anyone anything but you certainly are entitled to invite whoever you please. Maybe they felt everyone but them was invited? Even if that's the case, that their feelings are hurt, perhaps they could have gone about speaking to you about it in a different way, say face to face? If they don't know you well enough to do that then they have no business expecting an invite.
Well, well, well...the green eyed monster has reared it's ugly anonymous head. First of all ..If this person was any kind of a friend to you and your family he would have made his feelings known to you in an honest way. I mean come on..an anonymous e-mail...REALLY?? Why the mystery? He wants you to know feelings were hurt, but no who's feelings...yeah, that helps the situation! This person sounds like an acquaintance and not a true friend. It is very easy (and cowardly) to hit the 'send' button and run and hide. I have a feeling you will find him/her and when you do you will say "It's him???..I barely know that family!"
ReplyDeleteIt makes me smile to think that this person has no idea who he is messing with...go get him Jenn!
PS...that's another reason I don't think you know each other well.
Your criteria for the invites was spot on.
Ok...now it's time to say hello to Mr. DeweyBeach.
Janet xox
Gee - I guess I live in the wrong neighborhood! I would definitely have invited you over to coffee and your kids to play. And, if we just waved to each other - well, I wouldn't have expected an invite. However, if you ever have a party on your BLOG - I do expect an invite for living in the same blogahood! LOL!!! I think you handled the return with kindness and grace - and did it directly - which takes talent!
ReplyDeleteI have the same criteria. I used to worry about including everyone but it's too much. Most connections have been formed now that weren't there 6 years ago and I have a core group of neighbors. I can't believe someone had the gall to send that email.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! WHAT the Hey?!? That's seriously ballsy. Sounds to me like someone wanted free food and beer--to which I'd have to respond with a good healthy dose of sucks to be you ;) Its probably the free loading moochers that are causing the division in your neighborhood not the fun neighbors who get along. Get over yourself douchie beach boys...I mean....deweybeachboys!
ReplyDeleteWell, that's just RIDICULOUS. I mean, who do they think they are? It's YOUR party and you can invite (or not invite) whoever you damn well please. I can't believe they had the balls to send that email, but I like your response. Well done.
ReplyDeleteAnd let us know when you find out who it is... something tells me you will. ;)
When does the High School envy and drama end? Ever?! I am friends with different people in my neighborhood and even though we are all friends, we don't all hang out together at the same time. I have things in common with each of them, but different from the others, so I don't invite ALL of them to do ALL the things I am going to do...just the ones who fit in with that activity. My friends do the same for me...no one gets jealous...that's what 13 year-old girls do. Get over yourself (whoever you are).
ReplyDeleteIf people choose to get jealous and have issues with what you are doing (and it isn't mean spirited, which your party wasn't) then it is their issue and I would leave it alone....
Wow! I have to tell you that I am laughing. Not because I want to downplay your annoyance, but because this "anonymous" e-mail is pathetic and laughable.
ReplyDeleteLuckily for me, I have only two (three is you stretch it) neighbors within a 1/2 mile radius. So, no I don't invite them, per say.
I think outing anonymous this way is way better than confronting them. More than likely, they will get the message just fine this way.
Chin up, girl. Just be glad that you are so cool that they even care that they were not invited. lol.
xo*t
wow! you owe him/her nothing! what cheek!!!! you don't have to explain yourself either. this is just downright RUDE!
ReplyDeleteHurting people attempt to hurt people. Obviously "deweybeachboy" is an angry, bitter, hurting person attempting to spread their poison and hurt to you. Don't let it. Sooooo much easier said than done. I've called out "anonym-asses" on my blog several times as well so I don't always practice what I preach :).
ReplyDeleteThat's weird. But I wonder if it could be something other than a disgruntled neighbor...maybe a group of teens playing a prank??
ReplyDeleteWell done you! No point dropping down to his level.
ReplyDeleteI can honestly say, there's only about 2 people in my entire village i would invite to anything, or want to socialise with. lol. But i'm very picky. I'm hoping it will change when we move to a more community centred place.
Sal. x
I want to know if he replies to the reply.
ReplyDeleteI forget what movie it's from, but there's a line in it where an actor says, "Only cowards make crank calls." Maybe the same could be said here. Dewey Beach Boy thinks he's being clever, but he isn't. He's an Internet Tough Guy. Yeah, LOL, it's easy to talk smack when you're sitting behind your computer screen.
ReplyDeleteAnd there's probably somebody who will be able to guess who he is; considering he used such a specific place as Dewey Beach to identify himself.
I'm proud of you for standing up for your party. We've all been in situations like this. And like your comments echoed, sometimes we've been the party planners and sometimes we haven't been invited. How you made your decisions was fine and it was also your right as the party planners.
It sounds like Mr. Boy is just jealous.
You know me; I'll gladly e-mail him. Why not! And I hope he feels stupid for acting like such an infant over this.
People never cease to amaze me...especially now that they can do it behind the cover of computers and what not.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to say that I wouldn't invite more than a handful of neighbors into my home. I just don't know them that well. I have tried, but it seems as though people here would rather just keep to themselves....
We haven't had a party since we've actually known the neighbors. I think we will have something eventually but there are only eight other families in the whole neighborhood, so it wouldn't be that huge. Perfect for a little BBQ or something.
ReplyDeleteThere was a party on the street for Labor Day that we weren't invited to. We don't know the family that well and wouldn't have gone anyway. It's pretty brutal to email someone that way! I hope you figure out who it is.
OK, at first I was going to jump on the bandwagon of slamming the anonymous whiner - but after reading it a second time...It isn't really written hatefully - maybe the person really thought it was a neighborhood party (if you've thrown them in the past) and was hurt that they were left out. Your response hopefully will clear up any misconceptions.
ReplyDeleteBut why the anonymity? That's just stupid.
If something like that happened to me, I wouldn't go out of my way to let the person know I was hurt...and if I did, I'd tell them directly.
Reminds me of a weird high school acquaintance of mine that invited me through Facebook to a candle party that she was hosting. When I declined, she followed up my message with a message asking me what I was doing instead of coming to her party. WHO DOES THAT?!
People are WEIRD.
Judy
uhhhhh, what was the email address again........ :) I'm on it...be sure to keep us posted on what he has to say! stupid. I know you will :)
ReplyDeleteThat was fun :) Need me to send out any more emails? Hee hee hee!
ReplyDeleteJealous much? I mean really. It is your home and your business who you open it up to not your neighbor.
ReplyDeleteI had a similar situation with a neighbor who actually is a friend. I was selling a sofa and she popped over on a weeknight without calling to check it out for someone else. I told her that my house was a wreck. Hot mess! She said no big deal. She came & went quickly. I was totally embarrassed about the house. A few minutes later she texted her husband, but sent it to me saying how awful our house was and that she couldn't wait to leave. I responded saying that she had texted me instead of her husband. She apologized, but things haven't been the same.
Good luck!
WTF?! What is that guy thinking!! He really needs to get a life. He is probably jealous that you all have so many friend and your kids wear cuter clothes or your hotter than his wife . . .and now he's wanting something to b*tch about. However, I totally understand if the guy seriously got his feelings hurt. But come on, you know when someone is your friend or just a bus stop aquaintance. People in my neighborhood have parties all the time and never invite me, heck, they even ask if people can park in front of my house! I do not get angry or offended. If he seriously got his feelings hurt, then he should have came to you to an ADULT. Keep us posted.
ReplyDeleteFor real? I just found your blog but when I saw that snarky anonymous email as I scrolled down I HAD to read the entire post -- and you handled it better than I would have! I just don't understand the way people behave on the internet sometimes -- they do and say stupid enough things as themselves (think facebook ridiculousness) but apparentently anonymity make it 10 time worse. HONESTLY. Just because people can't see you while you say rude things, doesn't mean you don't look like an ass. :)
ReplyDeleteDewey Beach Boy never responded to my e-mail. I didn't expect him to, but wondered if he responded to anyone else's or if he has said anything further to you, Jen?
ReplyDeleteNope, he had nothing to say for himself...I'm guessing he felt like a big dumb dumb.
ReplyDeleteDid I mention that I threw a party for my whole street 2 weeks before my family party so there wouldn't be any hurt feelings? Yep, I did. He was just trying to hurt me and luckily I had lots of friends who had my back :)