Some of you may or may not know I suffer from multiple personality disorder. Fortunately, I have only one other personality and her name is "Mama Bear". You mess with my kids and I'll mess you up, is her motto. You can be family, friends, or a stranger at the playground, she doesn't discriminate. She is fierce and loyal and a bit scary. I wouldn't try to find her if I were you...
I was thinking about when and how "Mama" came to be and began thinking about my favorite poem/prayer I used to read during the later part of my pregnancy:
These Last Few Hours
It is important to me that I spend a part of the next few hours here alone with you in the darkness.
You and I will never be this close again.
By morning, you will be a tiny person all your own.
No longer the kicking, demanding bulge in my body that I have grown to love so well.
I pray God will safely guide you on your journey tonight,
And I ask him for the strength to help you all I can.
Again you signal,
You're impatient to be free,
It's time now...
I still can't read that without a catch in my throat and it was that night Mama Bear was also born.
I struggled through the night of my first child's birth with a wistful fear tinged with curiosity. I wasn't sure what this abstract idea of "baby" was going to be like and not sure I was ready to go there, but I was going - ready or not.
That night was a blur as were the next few days. I looked at my son with wonder and shock, we had made this person. I just couldn't believe it!
We spent the last morning in the hospital getting a diaper, sleeper, snowsuit, and hat on him (literally, ALL morning). Then we spent the afternoon trying to buckle him into his car seat, cover him, take him out, comfort him, put him back in... (ALL afternoon) and then we were off...reluctantly... and veeerrryyy sllllooowwwllllyyyy pulled into traffic from the parking lot. It was as if we'd forgotten how to drive, so careful were we of our precious cargo.
As we stopped at a red light about 100 yards away I was overwhelmed with emotion and this is what occurred to me: "I would jump in front of that truck over there for him." I said to my husband. He looked at me with tears and agreed and Mama Bear began to grow inside me.
She has been growing ever since and I still would take a bullet, lift a car, or stop a train for my boys. They were the best decision I've ever made.
Why all of this baby talk suddenly? I've be working with a customer who is decorating her nursery for her own baby and as I work on her frame I'm touched by my own memories and stories. I just love the quote she chose and I can relate to it as it's summarized in a way I couldn't express on that day in the car.